Idiot general
by Saki-nee
Summary: The general really didn't realise where he got himself into for talking to Fullmetal like that. Really, how stupid can one be?


"... a military, we have a grave need for more resources to keep the army functioning..."

Ed paused behind the door to Mustangs office. The voice that carried through the door sounded arrogant and I-have-a-stick-stuck-up-in-my-ass -kind of annoying. The idiot seemed to have a strong opinion against public schooling and was nicely sharing it.

"..not some sort of charity organization..."

Really? Wow, he didn't know that. The military was so nice and gentle, always helping people.

Mustang didn't seem to get the chance to answer without interfering the discussion. Must be a higher ranking officer then. Otherwise he would have interrupted.

"..because there simply is no need for that and.."

Whoa, the guy sounded really irritating. Mustang must be close to snapping, Hawkeye too, because now no-one could get any work done. If that didn't piss her off, then nothing.

"..and because of this I have decided..."

Huh, the brick could decide? Judging by his far too long speech, he knew nothing about Amestris' economy or politics.

Ed glanced down at his report. He could leave and come back later, but he didn't feel like walking in the rain again. He could also wait until the idiot left, but Al was waiting him, so that really left only one solution.

He _knocked_ sharply ( well, he didn't hate the bastard enough to want troubles for him for having insubordination so he really couldn't just barge in...) and without waiting for an answer, walked in.

Mustang was standing behind his desk ( was the idiot talking a general?), he looked like he was listening intently, but Ed didn't miss how he rubbed his thumb and index finger together, as if he was going to set something on fire (the idiot, most probably).

The, indeed general, Ed noted, was standing in front of his desk. Hawkeye was also standing and Ed could see irritation in her eyes, hidden behind her calm and professional mask. Her hand rested innocently _on her holster_. Breda, who sat close to her looked like he wished to be anywhere but there. Havoc also seemed to think that he was inside the danger area and tried to inch away from Hawkeye. Fuery looked just unhappy and Falman looked... well, like he didn't hear him at all.

All turned to watch him as he entered ( he didn't miss the relief that flashed trough their eyes, minus Hawkeye and Falman) He focused his gaze at Mustang and showed his report.

"Excuse me, but I would like to turn in my report" That would be as far he would go with being polite, he didn't feel like calling Mustang _sir_. Mustang lifted his eyebrow a fraction, _What, you're being polite?_ He scowled back slightly _Don't get used to it, I'm doing you a favor here_.

Mustang smirked slightly before answering:

"You can leave it here. As you see, I'm quite busy right now so-" Mustang didn't get the chance to finish his sentence before the general cut in.

"My, if it isn't young Fullmetal alchemist." He smiled and grouched down on so that his eyes were at the same level as Ed's. Ed stared at him. What _exactly_ was he trying to pull? He shot a glance over the general's shoulder, at Mustang, who seemed to be just as dumbfounded as he.

"How have you adjusted into the military? It must be really hard for a child like you, being surrounded by big adults. If you have any trouble, you could always come to me and ask for help. I would be happy to help you, and I have always something good to eat in my office. He winked and ruffled his hair.

Now the whole office was openly staring, even Hawkeye. Breda had his mouth hanging open, Havoc's cigarette had dropped on the floor and Falman looked funny. Like someone had just hit him on the head. No-one who cared about his life should speak like that to Fullmetal. Never. The general had just signed his death sentence.

Ed was speechless. He had met this kind of attitudes before. Many people tried to get into his favor and gain some fame, but never _ ever _ had anyone _winked _at him.

Everyone in the office were holding their breath, except the idiot general who was obvious to the danger. Mustang considered dragging the general out before Fullmetal snapped out of his shock. This would mean serious trouble, if Fullmetal decided to hit the general. For both of them. And he was sure Fullmetal would hit the man. He talked like Fullmetal was five, not twelve. And talking to Fullmetal like one would talk to a twelve years old was a risk itself.

Suddenly Ed's face broke into a _smile_, and it scared the whole office more than anything else he could have done. Including him transmutating his arm into a blade. Fullmetal just _didn't _smile like that. Not to a general anyway.

"Oh, thanks _uncle general_ "

_Thump_

Breda fell from his chair.

"That means a lot to me, uncle." Ed continued in a voice that _didn't sound like him at all_. He talked childishly. And smiled.

"Good boy" The general said and straightened his back still ruffling his hair. Ed only smiled wider.

Mustang wondered if he had had anything stronger than coffee to drink during that day.

"Hey, uncle general, " Ed said, looking with big innocent eyes at the general (Havoc spluttered something incoherently) "What were you talking about with Mustang? It sounded really interesting."

Mustang would groan if he could. This must be some sort of revenge from Fullmetal. He didn't remember doing anything to anger the kid, but if Ed was going to suffer this must just to keep the general talking more proved that it was something horrible. A faint thumping noice informed him that Fuery was hitting his head onto his desk. He felt like doing it too. The stupid general had been babbling for _hours_! When Fullmetal walked in he thought the torture might finally end but no, of course not.

The general smiled at Fullmetal. Like a parent would smile to a child who asked why money was needed, clearly saying: _even if I answer you won't understand much but I'll explain anyway just to be nice. _How stupid can one be?

"Well I was telling how we do not need the public education system and-"

"Oh, but I don't think so." Ed cut in, still showing the I'm-just-a-normal-child -face.

The general's smile didn't falter.

"Well, I don't except you to undes-"

"But if there weren't any public schools, then I would have had to quit school after my first year. You see, I'm technically an orphan and there would have been no way for me to pay for education. You would be messing a pretty good alchemist then, eh?"

Now the general's smile _was_ faltering.

"That could be handled with stipends and subsidy-"

"But even then, there are people who could not afford education. Some other might be lacking higher education and all in all, our whole education level would fall. Our military is highly dependent on its research and the currently our education level is high. This ensures our wealth and strength as a nation. Because of free education up to high school, Amestris is ahead in development if we compare to, lets say Aurego. Our machinery and weaponry, are far ahead, thanks to the developed researcher training system that includes free first and second level education." Ed had finally dropped his act and was now effectively cornering his opponent.

"If we now stopped offering free education, the public would go into uproar and military would lose its image, which, by the way, is very crucial to maintain. If it were to shatter, the number of new recruits would drop, and that would weaken us, now wouldn't it." By now Ed was wearing his smirk again clearly gaining satisfaction from shutting up the general " Even if it wouldn't we'd still be in trouble. The public does not exactly like the military and worsening the image would cause difficulties when working with public as if it wasn't difficult enough. For every government, the support of its people is important and the key to strong and stable country. If we were to have unrest in our country, it would be like a sign for Drachma to attack!"

General opened his mouth but Ed wouldn't let him speak. He pointed his finger at him, causing him to take a step back.

"If you still want more reasons, I can inform you that we _need_ wealthy citizens. How could we maintain our position as a superpower if the people were poor? No chance. We are dependent on them and also the savings they make in banks, the stocks they buy and so on. Have you ever heard the word _investment_? The only way to cause our economy to grow is through investments and the investments come from savings. No savings, no investments. Now, if people need to spend their money in education, they have less to spend on other things. Taking into account the price of food and houses, health care and pension savings, there is not much left over if we also add education. No savings. That would show as a drop in our GDP. You get it?"

By now Ed was the one who was talking like a parent to child. An angry parent. Very, very angry parent. He furiously glared at the general as his gaze darkened. "But judging by your earlier speech, you have no idea what I'm talking about. You make assumptions and don't even bother to think it over, how it would affect other factors apart your wallet. You don't consider other points of views."

Ed moved towards the general, who was now backing down, towards the door. Scared of the small boy with such an intense and frightening glare. He didn't look like a child to him anymore.

"And then you dare to assume that it is appropriate to treat a state alchemist as a little child, you dare to assume I'm in military not because of my skills, but something else, I have no idea what and I don't even _want_ to now."

By now the general was at the door, looking rather pale. Eyes fixed on Ed, as if he couldn't look away. Ed was furious, his eyes held a fire that seemed to spit sparks. The general flinched away from him when he stepped even closer.

"Oh, and one more thing." Ed spat, looking positively _dangerous_. As if he would attack at any second.

The general whimpered.

"If you _ever_ try to touch me again I will cut your hand off and then sue you from sexual harassment on_ minor."_

The last sentence was hissed trough his teeth with such a venom that the general turned around and all but fled from the office.

A stunned silence filled the office. Ed breathed heavily, still growling and spitting in his fury. Mustang had never seen Fullmetal so angry before, and he felt surprised to realize that he was hesitant to say anything in case the boy would lash at him. His eyes flickered over the office and noticed from the expressions that he wasn't the only one.

It was Ed who broke the silence.

"If you ever mention this again," he hissed venomously, his whole posture screaming anger and fury "I swear I'll transmutate you all into pink fluffy dresses and tie you into the wall in mess hall. And call Hughes to take pictures. Then I'll kill you and throw your bodies into river."

After the threat he stormed out of the office, kicking the door off of its hinges as he went.

The office was in shocked silence.

"Do you think he meant it?" Fuery questioned.

"I bet he did. At least up till the killing part." answered Havoc and laughed weakly.

"You think he could pull it through?"

"I don't know about you guys but I don't feel like trying. I've never seen boss that mad before. And that's saying something."

Breda nodded. " I was sure he would kill the general in the end. Luckily the idiot was clever enough to run."

" I guess it was mature of Edward not to start a physical fight." Hawkeye commented. " It would've caused problems to him and to Colonel."

"Agreed"

Mustang huffed out a breath and sat down. Things like these were not good for his heart.

"Where _did_ he learn to talk like that anyway? Those were very good arguments he had."

"Well, he _is_ practically a child prodigy..." Fuery said.

Havoc laughed. "Next time, we should just make sure the boss comes to the office when we have to deal with other idiots like him."

"Unless he actually attacks next time..."

"Well, yeah, but at least we got a good show."

Mustang leaned back in his chair.

"A very good show indeed" He mumbled. It seemed that he just might have gotten something bigger than just an alchemist from Resembool.

Authors comment:

_Augh, I just didn't know how to end this! I'm still not sure about Mustang's last comment but hell with it! I just want to post this._


End file.
